F R G M N T
by ToMoYo FaNeL
Summary: Post S3. Wincest & JAM. Two parts: JAKE et DEAN. When Sam's universe turns around only one person but this person isn't the one by his side. The tragedy of an imaginary love.
1. CHAOS

**Titre : F R A G M E N T.**

**Autor:** ToMoYo FaNeL ou Tomochan

**Disclaimer:** _**SPN**_ belongs to Eric Kripke. _**Devour**_ is not mine either. Only the idea that both are linked up is mine. Inspired by Seina Rin [IDEA]'s doujinshi of _**Full metal Alchemist**_.

**Genre:****Angst; Romance** (Jam and Wincest)**; Drama**

**Rating:**T

**Summary****:** The first part **JAKE** is an anthology in the days when Sam lives with Jake, after Dean died. The second part **DEAN** is based on the relationship between the Winchester brothers, after Jake and after Hell. Sam is waiting for his brother while Dean doesn't know how make him realize he came back.

**NDA important:**

- **AU Supernatural season 4. **

- **Who is Jake?** This is the character Jensen played in _**DEVOUR**_. He's an antichrist and was brought up by humans. He doesn't know his true kind. In the movie, his evil mother wants him to join her in the darkness and she kills his adoptive parents and his friends to convince him. Even when he lost everything that binds him to this life, he wants to remain human. She's posing him as the murderer to punish him. There are _fragments _of this life Sam shared with Jake, before the movie. When Dean comes back, Jake is confined to a mental institution because his mother made him loose his mind.

- Some are part of **SAM**. There are introductions and transitions.

- This is not about Supernatural. This is about the weakness and fragility of mankind, about pain and regrets resulting from Freudian slips.

**NDA2 :**

- Before someone points it to me, this whole fanfiction is based on Seina Rin [IDEA]'s doujinshi of _**Full metal Alchemist**_, so you can obviously find some passages which are alike. _Living will_, _Metamorphosis_ and _Planetarium_ left such an intense impression to me that I compelled to do the same.

- **The point is everybody is in pain.** First, **Sam** is in pain because he's with Jake while his brother is in hell and then he's in pain because Dean isn't Jake. **Jake** is in pain because he loves Sam who sees his brother's substitute in him. **Dean** is in pain because Sam lives in the Jake's memory.

**.oO°Oo.**

**F R A G M E N T.**

**SAM**

**C H A O S.**

**.oO°Oo.**

What is the dream? What is the reality?

How can you make the difference when they blend so perfectly? The truth is you can't distinguish dream and reality. Not in Sam's situation. Time was an abstract notion which just slipped out now. Day and night, how does it matter? Sam would spend every day and every night in the darkness, deep in his brother's blood, running after a fantasy so that the world could follow its course.

The Universe was upside down.

Sam could think about only one thing. Bring Dean back. Dean sold his soul for him. Dean was dragged away from life for weeks. Dean burned in Hell. Time was limited. But the limits were blurred. Sam lost track of time and then he stopped being overwhelmed by impatience and impulsion. Sam was silent and quiet. Sam was cold hearted. All Sam felt was shame and anger.

Sometimes, Sam felt disgust for himself.

For a few hours now, the Earth had been turning the wrong way. The Universe closed in on itself and the world would explode very soon. Sam was sure of it because, in the concrete and ordered reality, this would never have happened. It was impossible. Sam didn't have the power to build. Sam only knew how to destroy. The only dimension in which Sam had the right and possibility to realize a miracle like that would be in his dreams. Sam knew he didn't deserve anything at all anymore. Dean was deprived of everything because of him. Sam should also be deprived of everything. Sam should also be deprived of life. Sam shouldn't live. Sam didn't live. Sam waited. Sam looked for something. Sam was… just was. Sam never felt. Never did Sam dare to cry for all this. Tears were far too noble for a being like him. Sam was nothing but dark, a dark hole sucking everything and everyone into chaos. The ones who'd love him would die. The ones who would know him would suffer. It was a curse. Marks of his sin were engraved on his soul. Sam didn't think, didn't believe, he _knew_. He knew that he should continue to exist for one sole purpose. Bring Dean back.

But the universe was upside down.

Sometimes, Sam felt. Since a few hours ago, the world had withdrawn and reality didn't obey any universal law anymore. The Universe was mystery. Life was cruel. Still, Sam asked for more. Sam accepted this challenge as he accepted any other and he dealt with it. God had a morbid and sadistic sense of humor. God was the child mocking him. God was the judge who sentenced him for eternity. God was the fate which brought him to this town after so many towns, among so many towns, and finally crushed him with his supreme punishment. Yet, Sam began to wallow in his own misery. Even Nature itself was defied but the world seemed to recover. Sam too. Sam hated the truth as much as he could depend on it. As much as he could love it.

Sometimes, Sam's disgust vanished and he saw another being which shouldn't exist either.

The Universe was upside down.

"It's a small bedroom, I know but… I think it'd suit you."

Sam felt. It was nothing noble. Not a feeling like love, hope, relief. It was nothing like that or even anything close to it. Sam was merely a monster, a greedy and vain being that only could exist using others. Sam had forgotten it for a long time. For a few hours, this darkness that lived inside him had come back up and it seemed to bring him the greatest satisfaction. Sam could commit this atrocity again.

Sam would make this choice over and over again. Sam was weak. Sam still wanted to dream and hope; even if he wasn't allowed to. The whole situation was an ultimate challenge. The point was him being here, with this man in this house. This was an abomination, an insult to nature, to reality. But Sam's arrogance made the difference. Arrogance, this greedy and vain monster sleeping in his depth until this man appeared as if sent by God. Sent by the Devil. Sam didn't care. Sam would accept every kind of punishment. Sam liked this one. An unhealthy and guilty pleasure. But it didn't matter if he took advantage. It didn't matter if he allowed the monster inside him to devour this man who let him in.

This being had nothing natural or real.

Things seemed too simple after all. The remains of respect he could have toward this individual obliged him to ask for reasons that made this barely twenty-year-old boy want to greet a monster like him, who would end up devouring him with his curse.

"Why?"

Words irritated his throat. How long didn't he speak? Sam couldn't tell anymore. The question was hard to swallow. Yet, the person he was talking to didn't need to hear it. He knew it. Maybe he asked himself the same. Maybe he did not know the answer. Sam could accept it. Sam didn't care about what it could be. He was here, in this house, in this bedroom. He didn't know why. He agreed with that. It was a test. It was a mystery. It was a reality that had no reason to exist.

The Universe was upside down.

"I felt like we were alike. I know it's crazy."

Sam didn't care about this answer. It had no reason to be either. This situation went against the Nature. Universal laws were messed up just because Sam was in this town, in this bedroom with _this_ man.

"You? Why?"

The kid didn't need to ask precisely what he wanted to know. Sam knew the question because he thought about it too. Maybe the answer was uncertain. Maybe Sam was clueless. Sam was content with agreeing to his punishment. Sam simply endured God's humor, just and cruel. Sam liked to think of it as a challenge. Sam was in this house with this person and it seemed as natural as it was unnatural. The mystery was big. It was so big that Sam didn't hope to solve it. Actually, it didn't matter. It remained mystery and he would remain damned. This situation suited him.

What is the dream? What is the reality?

The dream was magnificent. When a dream. Sometimes, the dream became reality. Then reality became the dream.

The dream then became the nightmare one calls reality.

"Because I dreamt about you.

Jake.

If Sam had to describe Jake in a few words, it would be punishment, it would be hope, it would be mystery, it would be stupidity. But the first word that had come to mind when they met few hours earlier wasn't a word one could utter without pain. Sam couldn't do it anymore. He had no right to.

Dean.

If it was a test, then Sam failed.

The Universe was upside down.

But Jake was only one fragment of the chaos that would soon settle down.

**.oO°Oo.**

**F R A G M E N T.**

**SAM**

**.C H A O S**

**.oO°Oo.**


	2. MORNING

**.oO°Oo.**

F R A G M E N T.

JAKE

M O R N I N G.

**.oO°Oo.**

The sky was white. It was cold. The floor was white too. Sam wouldn't know what to do with his body in the middle of this white. His dirty body. His broken body. In the middle of all this white, he would felt as the air was cold as his blood was warm. Warm in his veins. His dirty blood. Sam was afraid of touching this white and cold snow. Would it become red under his fingers, if he did?

Dean's blood.

Sam used to wash his hands. Sam was always cold. But his hands were always hot and dirty with Dean's blood. He remembered Dean. When he closed his eyes, he could feel the lack of pulse under his fingers. When he closed his eyes, he could hear the lack of breath sounds in his ears. When he closed his eyes, he could see the lack of life in Dean's look.

Dean.

Sam didn't sleep much.

Sam was always cold.

Sam was always dirty inside.

Sometimes, blood was all he have got left.

"What are you thinking?"

Sam looked down but didn't turn toward him.

Jake.

Sam has been live in Jake's house.

Jake was a lovable and understanding young man. Jake was a sweet and warm young man. Jake was a noble and funny young man.

Jake was Dean.

Jake wasn't Dean as Sam was like Dean. In the same way, Jake was like Sam. But when Jake was like Dean, it wasn't likeness. It was a certainty, a tangible proof of existence of the greatest mysteries. Sam was here for this reason. Time spent here has been weeks, maybe months.

Jake had Dean's face.

"Nothing."

Jake smiled at him. Nicely. Sadly. Jake understood. He didn't know everything. He didn't know how much his existence was an abomination, a punishment, a curse, a chance, an abdication. Everything and nothing in the same time. Good and evil in the same time. Jake was an escape from reality. Jake was a refutation of natural laws. Jake was a proof of God's sadism and God's humor.

Jake was a miracle.

"Do you want your breakfast? I made pancakes."

Sam didn't answer right now. His look was always lost in the white horizon. He opened his mouth but words didn't come out. He wanted to turn off, to see his face. But it would start awkward feelings.

It started invasive and unfair feelings when he saw him.

"I pass. I have to go to the library.

- It's early.

- Yes."

Sam didn't explain himself. Jake didn't need him to. Sam either. Then, he took his look off the window and left the room. He didn't shot a glance to Jake. Sometimes, it was easier. For him. For Jake too. Jake knew. He was unaware of a lot of things but that.

Sometimes, he imagined Jake knew what Sam was unaware himself.

Sam put his shoes on and slipped his jacket on. He opened the door but Jake caught him up before he was outside.

"Take a scarf with you or you're gonna get cold."

Jake coiled the scarf up his neck. Sam let him. Finally, their eyes met. It was hard. For him. For Jake. Because Jake knew it wasn't him Sam saw. Every morning, Sam asked himself what dark reasons Jake kept him in his place for. Why Jake let this stranger hurt him, just with one look. But his questions didn't make a sense. His questions didn't get any answer.

Jake was only Jake.

"Thank you.

- Have a good day… See you tonight."

Sometimes, Jake's words were painful. For him. For Sam. In this kind of situations, the little certainties that formed the daily, as_ the clock will ring at 6:00am _or _the newspapers will be on the porch_ or _Jake will be there_, were sweep in three little words. _See you tonight_. It wasn't a certainty between Jake's lips. See you tonight. It was a question. See you tonight. It was a request. Sam never knew what to answer. He never knew if he would be here the evening, in this house. If he would come back.

Sometimes, Jake's words were demonstratives about the instability of their relationship.

But Sam will come back. In this place that Jake called home. Sam will come back. Tomorrow, Sam will stand exactly in this place, face to Jake. Sam will ask himself the same questions and Jake will be happy.

Jake will be happy because Sam has been with him one day more.

Every day was a battle for Jake. Sam asked himself why he agreed with his presence. Why he let this stranger break him like that.

Despite everything, Sam will come back.

Sam had nowhere else to come home.

**.oO°Oo.**

F R A G M E N T.

.M O R N I N G

**.oO°Oo.**


End file.
